I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 04:21:53 GMT

So i wrote a poem x.x

I can't write poetry, by the way. Absolutely CANNOT. Sometimes i get it into my head that i can. So i try, and then two hours later i look back at it and i'm like, "O.o" But i wrote one just now anyway, in full possession of my senses. I just can't get Sean out of my head. I'm remembering things about him, stuff that should have tipped me off to how serious he was. I just didn't get it.

If i had time
I would hold you like you wanted me to.
I would sing you a song
And that song would cure you.
If i could steal into the past
I would find the poison in your heart.
I would kill it so completely
That you would forget how to hurt.
I wish i had seen you.
I wish i hadn't been so blind.
I wish you had dropped the facade.
I wish that i could turn back time.
If we had another chance,
I would be your hero.
I'd be your light.
You took away all our second chances
In your final try at flight.

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 16:33:59 GMT

I think i will rearrange my room today.

Like everyone cares oh-so-much that i have to write it in my lj x.x

But i'm bored. And i don't want to start until my parents leave for the day, because they will take my keyboard away. I'll still have the mouse and phone though, but i'm babysitting all day.

Jesus.

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 04:09:52 GMT

Just a quick note- being in love is weird because you can be getting really pissed off at work and then feel him near you and be all like, "Oh yeah! Teehee!"n It's making me feel bipolar XD

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 04:23:07 GMT

Oh god...

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 13:23:27 GMT

never mind... phone still dead. might get it fixed. might just smash it. x.x

Jenneh's solo is tomorrow evening!! leave a message here if you need a ride!

Stolen from DMO ^_^

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 04:43:00 GMT

LJ Friends Meme by coolerq

• You must tell 9 people about this game.
• Jon is the one that you love.
• Gabe is one you like but can't work out.
• You care most about Jenneh.
• Allison is the one who knows you very well.
• Charlene is your lucky star.
• Past the Point of No Return is the song that matches with Jon.
• Stella Errans is the song for Gabe.
• Here's to the Night is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
• and Only Love is the song telling you how you feel about life
Take this quiz

Well, some of it is eerily true, and some of it is a little off ^_^''

The part about the songs is dead-on though! XD

Whew. Goodnight!

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 15:04:28 GMT

FINALLY!

Way to be, like, two weeks late, you son of a bitch!!

Tomorrow... past the point of no return. ::ooooh, i feel so secretive!::

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 06:21:27 GMT

Phantom run tomorrow! Er, later today.... Anyway, showtime is at 7:05 Friday evening. Call my cell if you can make it so we can save seats! So far we have Jon ( ^_____^ ), Kelsey, Megan (oh god, i know i'm spelling your name wrong!), and Bri coming. I've probably forgotten someone already. Jesus. Anyway, call me!!

And just as a side note, you people are fucking impossible to organize, i mean, really.

As for the mood... that's for me to know! XD

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 21:24:29 GMT

I love how on LInux, i have no idea what the fuck i'm doing... but it's cool. XD

Jon set it up for me and now i heart it! Linux is the cruel sadistic master computer thing that i've always wanted! (Not to be confused with just sucking. Which Windows does)

Anyway, though, i did really crappy on my final exams. UNT is looking iffy. I would be depressed but really, right now, i might just kill something if my parents make me go to community college.

Oh! Yeah, so i got this cute little knife in Colorado that i've been dying to try out! I got to school and was like, "Hmmm..." So i tried it out in the bathroom, and... IT SUCKS!! I mean, it's a nice little practical knife, but exactos work soooo much better. Made me sad. I was standing there, like sawing at my hand... ack. It barely bled. Bah. Stupid knife. ::cuddles Achilles::

And if my mom would ever just get up and type in the password to Dad's computer, i could finish up my stupid church service project and go out. But no. ::punjab lasso::

Tegan! Tegan is the best wife ever!! She cooks! She's brought food for us at lunch today and yesterday, spaghetti and hamburgers and bratwurst!! Eeee!!!

Of course, as fate would have it, she chooses the week i'm trying to lose weight ::rolls eyes:: But damn, that spaghetti was so good.

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 04:07:58 GMT

FIRST:
First best friend: Gabe
First car: '97 Pontiac Sunfire
First real kiss: Stephen
First break-up: Steven
First screen name: eecreadsalot
First funeral: i've never been to one
First pets: Cleo and Gracie, both cats
First piercing: none yet
First true love: haha, it isn't difficult to guess!

LAST:
Last cigarette: none
Last car ride: today, coming back from karate
Last kiss: oh god. ::counts:: year and a half ago... x.x
Last good cry: i think Saturday XD i squeeze as many in as possible, i'm addicted, really
Last library book checked out: hm... Servant of the Bones, by Anne Rice, a year ago. my mom took it away, i think it's still in her room
Last movie seen: Phantom of the Opera!
Last phone call: Jon
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: sketchers, i think
Last CD played: my crazy CD with Illuminati and Ave Maria, as well as other songs
Last item bought: Dracula, by Bram Stoker, from BAM
Last annoyance: Conor's creepy, loud, open mouthed breathing. ugh. it's gross.
Last time wanting to die: ... ehhhh.......
Last shirt worn: purple 3-quarters sleeve. which is probably waaaaayyy to gape-y in the front. i hate having breasts.
Last website visited: gaia
Last word you said: "'Bye"
Last song you sang: Music of the Night, Phantom of the Opera
Last movie you rented: me personally? Moonchild
Last movie you bought: Silence of the Lambs. ohhh, Hannibal.
Last song that was stuck in your head: Claire de Lune, by Claude Debussy
Last person you called: Jon
Last person who called you: Jon... we did this question already.
Last TV show you watched: season premiere of 24!! ::squee::
Last person you were thinking of: ^_^ i don't think i'll say.
Last person who slept in your bed other than you: Lisa
Last person who saw you cry: ... ::thinks waaaayy back:: Gabe. sophomore year. oh, unless you count Phantom showings. then, like, half of Flower Mound.
Last person you went to the movies with: Kay-chan, Alli, Greg, Liz, Kelly
Last person who yelled at you: a Sunday School teacher. i am not being religious enough. jesus.
Last person who sent you an email: Johnny
Last person you hugged?: Kay-chan
Last person you yelled at?: Kay-chan ^_^
Last person you laughed with?: Jon
Last person you had a crush on?: hmmm, i won't say!

CURRENT:
Current mood: sleepy-happy
Current music: Color Me Blood Red, Malice Mizer
Current taste: popcorn
Current hair: slightly wavey
Current clothes: jeans and the purple silk top
Current annoyance(s): ... i want to cut with my pretty new knife, but we're getting into less-clothing weather, and my parents would see.
Current desktop picture: Phantom of the Opera XD
Current hate: fat... along with my general personal appearance

ONE OR THE OTHER:
1. Black or white? black
2. Boxers or briefs? boxers. silk ones. with roses. betcha that's what Erik wears. ::Phantom smut::
3. Coke or Pepsi? ew.
4. Salt or pepper? sugar
5. Sweet or sour? sweet
6. Vanilla or chocolate? chocolate
7. Happy or Scary movies? scary
8. Watch a sunrise/sunset? last time i tried to watch a sunrise with someone... we both got locked out of our respective dorms in our pajamas... so sunset XD
9. Silly or serious romantic? sadistic romance
10. Candle lit dinner in a restaurant or at home? depends on the atmosphere

MY FAVORITE...
1. Color: purple, or else deep rose red
2. Song: Past the Point of No Return, Phantom of the Opera
3. Scents: whatever my parents got for free for buying so much at Victoria Secret
4. Alcoholic Beverage: cheap strawberry wine
5. Food: coffee ice cream!

5 THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. a ridiculous amount of rings
2. a shirt
3. pants
4. undies
5. mismatched socks

5 THINGS YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE BORED
1. go blank until i see/hear things
2. write short letters that never get sent
3. write unseemly long, Victorian-style letters which do get sent... often to my later regret
4. sing
5. pretend

5 PEOPLE THAT NEVER FAIL TO CHEER YOU UP
1. Gabe
2. Dylan
3. Allison
4. Gerard Butler in a cape and mask
5. ... i have the ability to become depressed no matter the situation or company. x.x

THINGS YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT
1. people
2. human contact
3. imagination

RANDOM QUESTIONS...
1. What should you be doing right now? sleeping, likely
2. Define freakish: how stupid Raoul is. that's just not right. hand at the level of your eyes, you dumb fop!
3. Is ice cream the best thing in the world? i haven't had sex yet, so aside from the "warm, unspoken secret" of that, i would have to say, "Yes, it most certainly is."
4. What would your dream date be? hmmm... something darkly romantic... a boatride around a certain underground lake, perhaps, with a slightly evil tenor singing behind me XD
5. Do you consider yourself a romantic? to a fault!
6. What room is your computer in? mine, thank god!
7. What is your shoe size? 9. i have huge clown feet. x.x
9. Who do you consider your best friend? that's not a fair question, but in any case, Gabe. but here, at the moment? i love all my friends tremendously.
10. Do you have braces? nope
11. Do you wear glasses/ contacts? yes

HAVE YOU EVER..
Had a crush on someone? yes! haha.
Wished you could live somewhere else? yes, often enough.
Had a long distance relationship? yes ^_^
Used someone? it's likely
Killed people? i have wanted to, seriously, to kill someone; he deserves it.
Driven drunk? no
Been arrested? almost
Cried over a boy/girl? all the time ^_^
Been in a fist fight? yes... it was an enjoyable experience
Said "I love you" and meant it? yes
Gone out in public in your pajamas? haha, yes
Cried during a movie? must you ask?
Been on stage? yes! i thought i would die.

Come to me, Angel of Music...

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 02:15:39 GMT

You have come here, in pursuit of your deepest urge,

In pursuit of that wish, which till now has been silent, silent

I have brought you, that our passions may fuse and merge

In your mind you've already succumbed to me

Dropped all defenses, completely succumbed to me,

Now you are here with me; no second thoughts,

You've decided;

Decided...

Past the point of no return - no backward glances.

Our games of make-believe are at an end.

Past all thought of "if" or "when" - no use resisting.

Abandon thought, and let the dream descend.

What raging fire shall flood the soul?

What rich desire unlocks its door?

What sweet seduction lies before us?

Past the point of no return; the final threshold

What warm, unspoken secrets will we learn?

Beyond the point of no return...

You have brought me to that moment where words run dry

To that moment where speech disappears into silence;

Silence...

I have come here, hardly knowing the reason why.

In my mind, I've already imagined

Our bodies entwining defenseless and silent...

And now I am here with you;

No second thoughts; I've decided.

Decided...

Past the point of no return

No going back now.

Our passion-play has now, at last, begun.

Past all thought of right or wrong;

One final question:

How long should we two wait before we're one?

When will the blood begin to race?

The sleeping bud burst into bloom?

When will the flames at last consume us?

Past the point of no return.

The final threshold;

The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn!

We've passed the point of no return...

You'll know who you are- you're just who i'm reminded of when i hear this song now.

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 22:13:30 GMT

HOSHIT I JUST REALIZED I HAVE SENIOR OUT, YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!

Also, i took a shower, and all my clothes are dirty from the trip. Must wait for laundry to dry.

But i have senior out!!!!!!!!

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 21:00:40 GMT

Colorado is cold.

Very, very cold.

But it was fun. We went skiing, and i fell on my butt numerous times. It hurts. I have bruises all over my legs. But it was fun. It snowed a lot. We went snowmobiling to the Continental Divide, and i fell off the mountain. No, really. I did. I hate snowmobiles. They're loud and smelly and cold. And i can't control them. So i kinda, um... went off the ridge. And fell off the stupid thing and tumbled quite some ways.

Thus falling off the mountain. x.x

Actually, it was really scary, because everyone else just kept going over the ridge, and everything was so white... it was like they were leaving me. Really scary... didn't like it.

That, and my big fat nose got frostbite or something. Ouch.

But it was fun. Shopping was fun. We saw camels on the way back to Texas. Not just like, two. A whole herd. It was really weird.

And yes, the Phantom most certainly existed.

Down once more to the dungeons of my black despair; down we plunge to the prison of my mind!

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 18:41:00 GMT

Off to Colorado today.

Am now more convinced than ever that there is truth behind the Phantom story.

No, i have not been dreaming about it. At all. For the past week, every night.

I miss you guys already!!

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 03:02:58 GMT

So i've been reading a ton of rumors about a body being found beneath the Paris Operahouse. There really is a lake down there, too. Pretty awesome... ::gets phangirl hopes up:: Gaston Leroux insisted until his death that his book was no work of fiction...

In other news, i fucking hate spoilers. Now i know what happens to Erik in the book. Jesus. I'm going to go cry now... or read some Phantom smut... or something...

Ohmygawd, i have to get my hands on The Phantom, by Susan Kay. It looks sooooo fucking good. I want. But it's like, 100 dollars. No kidding, look it up on Amazon and eBay. Now i'm really going to cry.

Oh yeah. I'll be out of town this week. I dunno when i'm coming back. My cell phone will be off most of the time, but i'll check my messages when i can, so call me... or i might kill a brother.

::PUNJAB LASSO::

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 20:47:51 GMT

Clearing something up...

WILL IS NOT A BIG JERK FOR DITCHING US!

I heard him wrong on the phone. You're welcome to hit me.

Hide your face, so the world can never find you...

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 19:26:27 GMT

"I was walking on the water,
I could see the life below me,
Fear clutched me, although I knew that I was safe

But then i was falling through the nature's floor,
I was sinking
I tried to grasp for help,
but the world was sinking
And my hope was thin
My lungs were broken

And I was like a sunken ship

Old, and forgotten
Unmissed

But no one could ever save me

I was sinking"

A poem by Corey M. Hmmm... amazing what you can google up, really.

You must be always on your guard, or he will catch you with his magical lasso!

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 18:13:11 GMT

So i've stumbled on this Phantom contest that Kay-chan and i plan on entering. You get tons of awesome Phantom stuff, and you have to fill out a questionaire and email it in. In order to qualify for the grand prize, you also have to send them a WAV file of yourself singing some of a Phantom song.

So i've got a palm pilot that records your voice and i've been singing into it all morning...

And it makes me depressed. Wow. I really thought i could sing better than that... but my voice is really weak and i'm off a lot. Ugh >.< Very frustrating.

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 19:14:00 GMT

Phantom of the Opera does not get old.

I don't care who you are or what you think, it is fecking AWESOME! If you didn't like it, quit lying to yourself. You loved it. You thought the Phantom was hot.

Yes you did.

I'm rather proud of myself, actually. Kay-chan is already calling him Erik. Kelly is well on her way. Elizabeth agrees that Christine chose the wrong guy.

YES!

What a lovely little bunch of phans we are here, yes...

Kay-chan also officially has the best Phantom icons around, EVER!! She's so talented.

What else was i going to say...?

Hmmm... i can't remember. Only that i wish we could all live in the Phantom's world of music.

EDIT: BTW, Will, way to ditch us without even calling. ::pout::

::sigh::

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 04:17:39 GMT

Thus ends my mandatory run at anorexia.

At IHOP.

With uber-chocolate pancakes. Damn, were they good.

Every so often, i get all like, "OMG! No food." And i don't eat for a few days. Then i bitch and moan and pig out and feel awful and my stint ends. Bah. I always feel so gross after i eat, though. My stomach goes all smooth and concave for a day or so, and then i eat and it bulges out again. I hate that.

In any case, i'm sitting at my computer chowing on a bowl of popcorn. All is back to normal.

Blah blah blah......

Erik the Phantom is so cool.

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 01:13:57 GMT

Oh my god, fuck me, you guys are awesome. ::hugs::

I burst right back out into tears when i read your replies.

Sending you all SOOO many mental hugs right now.

Yeah... i was just messed up... i hadn't eaten for a few days... and stuff... depression hits me hard and fast sometimes. I'm better now, especially thanks to everyone who posted, who i heart oh-so-very-much right now. Stuff happens and memories come back, and shit like that.... bah... anyway, sorry about it all.

In other news, PHANTOM OF THE OPERA RUN TOMORROW!! ::giggle:: This is run number three, by the way. Formal attire is required. The movie starts at 4:15pm. It will let out about 6:45, 7pm. Plan on 7. Anyway, call my cell if you're interested- 817-937-2775. Everyone is welcome, of course. There will be singing. There will be dancing. There will be Kayla in a dress. ::grovels for Kay-chan::

We should go shopping beforehand, so let's set a time to meet at the mall, under the eiffel tower, at, say... 2pm? Very loose time. Just call around on cell phones if you want to hang out before the show.

Anyway.... jeebus, you guys are so fucking awesome.

Which Johnny Depp character do you belong with? by cerulean_dreams
UserName
Age
You fall in love with
You meet	at the Australia Zoo
His friends think	You could do better
Your friends think	You guys are perfect together
You will	screw every night

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Which incarnation of Erik, the Phantom of the Opera, are you destined to be with? by ChildoftheInvader
Your Name:
Your Age:
Which Erik is it?	Andrew Lloyd-Webber's Erik
When you fell in love:	July 10, 743
What your friends think of the match:	The mask freaks them out.
Where do you have the honeymoon?	We took a boat ride around the lake under the Opera House!
How did Christine react?	Jealousy; you're afraid she's going to rip you apart the next time she sees you.

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Who's Your LJ "Phantom of the Opera" Cast by Athena799
Username
The Phantom	purple_chica
Christine Daae	dtkokoro
Raoul	dmo214
Meg	deificillusion
Mme. Giry	kawaiimignon
Mssr. Andre	strawberryhoshi
Mssr. Firmin	dreamseternal
Carlotta	_holycrap_
Ubaldo Piangi	kayura87

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your Past Life by metalxmonkey
First Name
Birthday (MM/DD/YY)
Gender
You used to be:	Pool boy to rich slutty women
Age when you died:	44

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Theme songs of your life by eponine
your name?
love song:	tiny dancer - elton john
depressing song:	you were meant for me - jewel
party song:	senorita - justin timberlake
what-the-hell-ever song:	stacy's mom - fountains of wayne
your life	lose yourself - eminem

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Which "Winged Wolf" are you? by MoondustWolf
Name
Fur Color	Red-grey
Eye Color	Amber
Wing Color	White
Power	Shapeshifting
Weapon	Fireballs

Quiz created with MemeGen!

which dir en grey member killed you by Minkypinky
LJ User Name
Date of Death	January 6, 2069
Who Killed You	Die
How He Killed you	Stabbed you 30 times

Quiz created with MemeGen!

What Kind of Anime Do You Belong In? by Amb
Whats Your Name?
Whats your favorite song?
How Old Are You?
Whats Your Favorite Color?
Whats Your Anime?	Lain

Quiz created with MemeGen!

When Meg was a little girl, she saw ghosts.

She saw one ghost, in particular, which interested her more than all the others combined. The majority of ghosts are dull, immaterial, uninteresting. Her ghost, her special spectre, had physical attributes. He didn't drift as the others did, morose and lost. Her ghost moved with a sense of purpose and power. There was conviction in his actions. So Meg watched this ghost, and as she watched she came to wonder if this one might not be dead.

The other ghosts were dead. No doubt about it. Some wept, or clutched things to their chests, but these were their most extravagent gestures. They never made any noise. But over the years, Meg learned to discern the sound of her ghost's steps upon the floor.

And she had seen her mother speak to it, pass and receive envelopes, all very briefly and with the utmost security.

Meg's mother, Madame Giry. There was a woman. Meg was actually her illegitimate child. Antoinnette refused to disclose even the first name of Meg's father, either out of respect or sheer stubborness. Despite this, she maintained her position in the Opera Populaire, and none dared question her.

Time went on, and Meg became ever more convinced of her ghost's mortality. When Christine came, and her ghost began to sing, Meg knew it for certain.

When her ghost killed, Meg didn't know what to think, and as she hurried into the maze beneath the opera house after him, she could think only of his mortality.

His delicate mortality.

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 06:20:47 GMT

No more talk of darkness;
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here, nothing can harm you.
My words will warm and calm you.

Let me be your freedom,
Let daylight dry your tears.
I'm here, with you, beside you,
To guard you and to guide you.

Say you love me every waking moment,
Turn my head with talk of summertime.

Say you need me with you, now and always.
Promise me that all you say is true.
That's all I ask of you.

Let me be your shelter,
Let me be your light.
You're safe; no one will find you.
Your fears are far behind you.

All I want is freedom,
A world with no more night.
And you, always beside me,
To hold me and to hide me.

Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime.
Let me lead you from your solitude.

Say you need me with you here, beside you.
Anywhere you go, let me go too.
Christine, that's all I ask of you.

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime.
Say the word and I will follow you.

Share each day with me, each night, each morning.

Say you love me.

You know I do.
Love me.
That's all I ask of you.

Anywhere you go, let me go too.
Love me.
That's all I ask of you.

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 05:58:08 GMT

If this were me three years ago, i would write some terrible poetry and post it here, instead of a real entry, and call it a message.

Even though it would be bullshit, it isn't much better than this whining.

I'm a bad person.

I want to tear myself up outside. I want to lacerate my body, i want to destroy it. I want to throw myself into the walls, i want to pulverize every inch of me.

A few years ago, i drank windex to try to kill myself. It was the stupidest shit ever. Windex, for Christ's sake.

I'm inconsolable, i just want to lose everything like this. I am ugly and horrible and fake, and i can't stop crying because i'm so selfish and greedy. I'm so weak. I live in a fantasy world, none of it is real, but i have to keep lying to myself or i'll have to face what's real all alone. There will be no one in my head but me. Do you know what a scary idea that is?

I can't deal with the real world. I can't do it. I'm too afraid.

I'm too afraid to do anything real.

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 04:30:56 GMT

Your Erotic LJ dream by cozzette

username

you went to bed feeling

You began to dream about

snen

who was

biting you

at thier office/workplace

with

whips and chains

which made you

hot

but was interupted by

purple_chica

who began to

participate

You awoke

thinking:"WTF!!!!!?????"

and you hope

that dreams do come true

chance of that happening:: 66%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

So Jesus.

Making another run at Phantom tomorrow, fancy dress required. Call me if you're interested.

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 20:16:13 GMT

OMG, i just remembered how work went last night.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMYSWEETJESUSCHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Delayed reaction.

Okay, so it was my first ever time actually working on concession. EVER! And it was Christmas Day. Hoshit. It was SO BUSY! And i fucked up aplenty. It kinda sucked. The lights were reaaaaaalllllly hot. But at least i remembered my bra. Jesus. When we went in prom dresses to Phantom, i forgot a bra for work afterwards. I improvised with my shawl, but i kept slipping ;.; Very uncomfortable.

But yeah. I'm terrified of concession.